God is Enough

So, as I'm sure you all know, these past 3 weeks I have had a terrible migraine. It's honestly made me super frustrated, irritated, and not at all the person I want to be. And in the midst of all of this, I've realized something, GOD is ENOUGH. Now, maybe I should back track a little bit.

I've had a lot of time to think, pray and rest. And I've been thinking that I often try to come before God only when I feel "good enough"; so since I've been feeling 'out of it' I've decided that I wasn't in the right place to come to God. And I know the devil loves this and preys on it. He whispers in my ear all the lies I have believed about myself. I hear him say that I will never be good enough for anyone, and that makes me not good enough for God.

I sit here and realize how fortunate I am that we serve the ONE TRUE GOD! And our God, well we were never good enough, I was never good enough, but JESUS was, and is. His blood has made me clean. His blood has washed over me and made me pure as the whitest snow.

So regardless of my migraine, or my bad mood, or my sins that day, GOD IS ENOUGH! I want to scream it from the roof tops, and allow that fundamental truth to sink deep in my heart. When we have Christ, we are loved eternally, unconditionally, forevermore. Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

He is everything, and I am His

So I've been reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. It has helped me see so many truths about God and about myself in a new light. There are parts of the book that talk about surrendering people in our lives Him, or anything that we have put on the alter of our lives before Him. There is also a part that talks about giving up our self sins (self-pity, self-righteousness, and so on) to God. After I read it last night, I wrote this poem. Now, I'm not much of a poet, but here it goes:

I'm soaked in sin

I can't let You in

My fear overtakes me

But please don't let me be

I need Your help

To do away with thoughts of 'self'

I need hope for a new day

Please take my fear away

I need to know you care

That you will teach me how to share

My heart with others and with You

For You are everything

And I am Yours

Right after I wrote this, God led me to Psalm 73:21-26. It says:

When my heart was grieved

and my spirit embittered,

I was senseless and ignorant;

I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you;

you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

Wow. So I could go on and on about what God is teaching me, but the short version is this: He loves me, and He is not going anywhere. When my heart hurts, He is there holding my hand. When I sin, and constantly think about myself, or feel sorry for myself, or don't surrender my life to Him, He is still there. All I have to do is turn to Him and say forgive me, I need help, make me more and more like You. And He will.

I also feel like God is teaching me that I will mess up, and that I will hold onto things that I shouldn't. But you know what, that doesn't change who God is and that He has chosen me. So I say right now from the bottom of my heart, He is everything, and I am HIS.

Please Come Home

So I have been thinking a lot about the parable of the lost son, found in Luke 15:11-31. There is a song about it by Dustin Kensrue called "Please Come Home."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yjq8YrftfTk

Now, I've listened to this song a ton, but it struck me in a new way today. There are so many parts of this story that speak to me. Today, however, I was thinking how I am the lost son. I gather up all the good things God has given me and then I don't use them to further His Kingdom. I go off and do what I want to do, even if I know it is not what God would have me do.

A very wise friend pointed out to me recently that, in the parable, the father waits for his son. He doesn't chase after him, although I'm sure at times he wanted to. He probably wanted to race after his son, to send out search parties for him, to go find him himself and beg him to come home; and yet he doesn't do any of these things. He waits.

I know this is what God does with me. He lets me go off and make my own choices. He lets me wander. He lets me try to figure out all the junk I'm going through on my own. And He waits for me to come back to Him. And when I do, it is always with the sense of the homecoming; the sense that I'm finally back where I belong. And it doesn't matter to God if I've been gone for a day, a month or a year. Nothing I could ever do could seperate me from His love.

God waits for me. My Daddy waits for me. I learn so much more about God everytime I come into His presence. And if God can, and does, wait on me with unfailing love, then I can wait on others as well. If I want other people to see the Father's love through me, I must be willing to wait on them, and be a living example that God's light and love wait at the end of whatever long and windy road they have been traveling on.

Thanksgiving Eve

I haven't blogged in a couple weeks. I think I've been feeling kind of bleh. You know the feeling? The feeling of not feeling anything... Anyway, I was thinking now was the time to start blogging again = )

Here is what I've been thinking: God is amazing. He meets me where I'm at, you know? I haven't been praying as much as usual, and I realized how much this affects my daily life. I missed God. I now He didn't leave or anything, but I've missed the constant communication. What God has been showing me is so cool. Through not praying, I've learned that praying for me is like coming home. God also keeps reminding me that I am HIS. It's so beautiful and such a blessing to be His. It makes me what to cry and smile for joy all at the same time. My heart overflows with joy.

God keeps His promises. Isaiah 26:3 is on my heart. It says, "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." I know as long as I trust God, He will keep me in His peace, and I'm so thankful. I'm learning surrender and trust often go hand and hand, and that surrender often brings pain, but I've seen God walking through my pain with me.

I'm learning how to be honest with God; to tell Him when I hurt, to tell Him when I'm frustrated, to tell Him when I need help, to tell Him when I'm thankful. Which brings me to say, on this Thanksgiving Eve, that I'm so thankful to be His, and I'm so thankful for the beautiful people He has surrounded me with with, people to encourage a me in my walk with the Lord, and to love me in the process. If you could please pray that God would fill my heart with thankfulness and encouraging words for those around me I would really appreciate it.

I love you all. Thank you for your constant prayers and support. I am so blessed.

Discouraged, but not defeated

Today I'm feeling super discouraged. I want to be God's love and light in the world, but I feel people are not responding to it. I just never realized loving people could be so hard...I want to love the people who are mean to me, the people who hurt me, the people who seem unlovable. I know I cannot love them with my own love, but with God's love I can love them. It will only be through His strength that I will be able to.

Romans 12:12 has been on my heart.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." It's so simple, and yet so so hard. I want to hope in the Lord, be patient through the hard stuff, and be faithful to lift everything up to God.

My soul feels so heavy. Prayer would be much appreciated.

And they will know us by our LOVE...

Ever since last Saturday night's Bible study I have been thinking a lot about this: "And they will know us by our love..." How powerful this is, and yet what does it really mean for us as Christians? There are so many ways to love a person. We can love by throwing our arms around them, we can love by just being there, supporting the person no matter what. This may not mean supporting their choices, but walking along side them through it all.

And then there is the kind of love where we walk away and allow God to love where we can't; maybe we are called to love someone through prayer, to trust that God has a handle on the situation.

I meet so many people throughout my week. Working as a waitress, I meet people constantly. And then there is the people I already know, people I work with, friends, family. Am I really showing God's love to them, and am I doing it to bring honor to God or so that other people will see what kind of Christian I am? I hope it's the first one, but often I'm afraid it's the second. I want Christ's love to shine through me, and to live and love the way He intended. Sometimes it's just super hard to figure that out...

Deliverance

So I do a short devotional everyday, and today when I did it I was really looking for God, you know? Have you ever had those moments where you are like' God, I just really need You to show up right now, because I can't do this alone.' ? Well that's definitely where I'm at.

So I was reading my devotional by Beth Moore, and todays was called "Filled, not just Fixed." One thing she said really hit me hard: "The vacuum in every human life does not yearn to be fixed. It yearns to be filled. God can deliver us from a terribly oppressive stronghold, but if we don't fill the void with Him, we are terribly susceptible to relapse."

I feel like this is not pretty, but it's where I'm at. I want to be filled with God, to be identified by Him alone, and yet I find myself so often looking to be filled by other people and things. My prayer is that I would continually look to God to fill my life, and that He would surround me with people who would encourage me to do just that. If you could pray for me, that would be awesome. = )